Building An On-The-Ground Community

>>>Be Realistic.

The online world has ruined us in a lot of ways when it comes to community. We can follow/comment/be friends with whoever we want online and in a sense hand-pick a community that fits exactly our liking with people who think just like us and always agree and share interests. But in that sort of group, we grow very little and at a snail-like speed. (more on this in the book 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You by Tony Reinke”)

We tend to think we can build community like that on the ground too (especially when finding a church.) But churches** are made up of people who are not all like us, who don’t all know us, and who don’t always agree with us and that’s exactly what we need. Maybe your congregation isn’t filled with 100 potential besties, but there are people who will sharpen you if you will let them into your life*.

>>>Do the thing that scares you:

We talk ourselves out of everything. Stop talking so much to yourself and start talking to others. What interests you? What are you good at? Find something or somewhere you can use your talents or learn some you’re passionate about and give them a call. 4/4 of the places that have hired me were not even advertising an available position. And I’m finding it true with ministry too. Do you play an instrument? Go talk to the worship pastor. Love kids? Visit children’s church. Like running? Join a community running group. Like to cook? Take meals to people or even better have them join you for one at home. In a new place, it’s a lot easier for you to find the people/ministries/jobs you’re interested in then it is for them to find you. Go do the scary thing: just start with saying hello.

>>>Show up.

List the opportunities you have at your disposal and start knocking them out. Visit the churches, coffee shops, the gyms, the yoga classes, the park, the children’s story time at the library, the small groups at church, the women’s events or Bible studies. It’s scary, like really scary, to show up to something where you know no one. And then it’s even scarier to talk to someone you don’t know. But to have friends we must show ourselves friendly. Here’s a few things to remember: Smile and make eye contact- people gravitate toward that Ask them questions. Identify something you have in common and mention doing that together sometime- coffee, working out, kids play date, or maybe learning a skill? Exchange numbers and plan to meet up! Get over your fear of sounding needy and just set it up.

>>>Ask more than their name.

“So, what’s your story?” I have yet to meet someone who hasn’t talked for more than a few minutes in response to this question. It’s so open-ended- they’ll talk about what’s most important to them.

This probably won’t take place in a grocery aisle, but you bet it’ll work at a church small group, kids play date or social event where you have enough time to listen.

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>>>Be willing to serve.

This is something the military community is teaching me. When you hear of a need, if you have the ability to meet it then jump on it. Does someone need a ride? Does someone need child care? Help packing/moving? Meals for after having a baby? Help cleaning their house because of injury or sickness? Do it! Proverbs 3 says “do not withhold good when it is in your power to do it.” Service is how we show people we love them. And isn’t that what community is about? Loving one another, helping one another, and walking beside one another.

>>>Be willing to initiate.

What is it you wish you had right now? Could you do something about it? Maybe it’s a mom’s group. Could you start one? Maybe it’s a Bible study, could you host one? Maybe it’s a bike club, get the ball rolling. Maybe it’s just one meaningful friendship- then be the first one to ask a meaningful questions.

>>>Find a mentor/Be a mentor.

Find someone ahead of you in the faith- nearby or reachable by technology and ask them to be a formal mentor. Someone to go to with questions. Someone who will pray over you, speak truth to you, and sharpen you with God’s Word. (I'm not "ahead of you" but I'd love to walk BESIDE you find the answers together.

Find someone newer or weaker in their faith (gently) and pour into them. Encourage them, check up on them, pray for them, and share what you’re learning with them.

This is the essence of community. We don’t need a lot of people. We just need someone we’re learning from and someone we’re pouring into and over time that just seems to multiply.

>>>Gravitate toward opportunities to grow together.

Invite others to join in with something you’re already planning to do. This way rejection doesn’t hurt so much. Ask someone else if the first friend says no and if no one joins you- still do the thing and enjoy the moment. Maybe it’s grocery shopping (yes, seriously, I’ve done this with college students tagging along and it’s the best), working out, reading your Bible, attending a yoga class or women’s event. Even something as simple as taking a walk outside. Start thinking of people you can invite to join you in the everyday things and build community. This is huge if building community sounds like an impossible task because you already don’t have enough time in your day. So, young mama, maybe have a college girl over to help you cook dinner and teach her an awesome recipe. College girl, study with someone in your class. Teacher, make exercise a priority and after a long day teaching kiddos find a peer and become gym buddies.

Fit people into the things that have to happen. Community happens as we do life together.

>>>Go deep.

Listen, why keep things surface level? Jesus sure didn't. Ask those hard questions. Be transparent. Don’t wait for the perfect coffee shop moment- as you’re walking to class or changing another diaper in the nursery ask someone a soul-searching question. Like “How ya doing, like for real?” or “what’s the Lord teaching you right now?” or “what’s your story?” or “you doing ok?” or “what’s one thing you wish someone would ask you about right now?” I’m not super good at these questions. And I feel a shudder under my skin as soon as I do ask them. But if you give them time to answer, people do. And you’ll see a glimpse of their heart.

And in those more opportune moments like in a coffee shop or at your kitchen table ask people “how’d you end up in church?” or “What’s your testimony?” or “Tell me more about how you got to where you are today in your relationship with God?” And then be willing to share your answer, too.

>>>Listen.

People love to talk about themselves. Asking people questions and considering their opinion, interests, and struggles is a beautiful way to practice selflessness. Talk about a chance to practice loving like Jesus! The thing about questions too is they appeal to their heart. Statements appeal to their will- and those aren’t really what you want to engage with.

>>>Pray.

This isn’t last just in case all the other stuff doesn’t work- its last because it’s most important. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to the people around you and to give you the courage to build community. See how that’s different than asking the Lord to “bring you the right people?”- He rarely does that without some action on your part. Go. Meet. Smile. Invest. Be vulnerable.

People are the most worthwhile investment. Life is short. Find community.

>>>When you find that community...

Be faithful to them. Be committed. Pray together. Study God’s Word together. Gather around tables together. Laugh together. Cry together. Serve each other. Reach out together and welcome others in. And thank God for them.

Community with other believers is such a precious gift. With the Holy Spirit in each of us we have the blessing of experiencing a glimpse of God in them and feeling the unity of the Spirit with Himself- instantly connecting us.

Community isn’t always Instagram worthy, it isn’t always comfortable, and it will take a million different shapes. But I’m convinced community (within the home, church, and “neighborhood”) is where sanctification takes up residence.